This post could be considered offensive to some! But I’ll write it anyway.
I am a childfree adult. What does this mean? Simple. I choose not to have children. It isn’t anything biological or any kind of inability to procreate on my part. It’s a choice.
A few entries ago I listed child-rearing as one of six common things many people do, but not everyone should. After giving the matter some thought, I realized that this relates well to the theme of wanting to get out of the office and have a life with more free time.
On the surface, this seems like a pretty ridiculous leap to make, but consider some of these statistics:
- On average it will cost $290,000 to raise one child in today’s dollars for families with an income of over $74,000/year
- Lower-income families tend to spend less on their children (makes me wonder why higher-income families don’t do the same this is possible.) One child for a family making less than $44,500 per year will cost only about $144,000
- A newborn will typically sleep 2 to 4 hours at a time and then wake up needing to be fed. This leads to a serious loss of sleep for new parents for the first year.
- A drop in normal female hormones after childbirth adds to an already waning sex life for a couple. In fact, couples have sex only half as much during pregnancy, and then even less afterwords. This can be attributed also to lack of time due to taking care of the child, lack of energy, and over-work.
Phew! It is more than reasonable to conclude that one or both parents will have to work much harder in order to support the child. This leads to a lack of free time, more tiredness, and generally more stress. Any experienced parent will tell you that the reality of raising kids is not at all like the fantasy many expectant parents have. It’s not all smiles and toys and baby showers. Just like almost anything else in life, it is hard work.
This goes out to all the younger would-be families. If you thought escaping the rat race was tough before, having children will certainly make it almost impossible for awhile. You simply will not have the energy, time or especially the financial power to make it a reality. Now, this is not to say that it’s completely impossible. Just close to impossible.
A young person with no mortgage, no kids, and no student loans to pay living with a few friends may be able to get by on $1,000 per month. Someone in exactly the same situation, but with 2 children will likely need over $1,800 per month, minimum. These figures are just estimates. I am fully aware that some people can get by on less than $1,000, but that the majority of Americans would not have a prayer of getting close to this ability.
Children tie people down more than you might realize. If you enjoy traveling, say goodbye to your journeys unless perhaps you take your kids with you. Also, think about the number of relationships which turn sour but yet the parents stay together for the sake of the children. And forget about getting together with friends and going out for a night on the town. You’ll be lucky if you get a couple of nights a week to yourself anymore. Many people will tell you that once the kids come, your social life really goes downhill.
So why do so many people do it? I can think of a few reasons.
- Social conditioning. Everyone is doing it, so why not me?
- Kids are cute/sweet/adorable/mine
- Desire to be a parent
I’ll just address the second and third statements.
Second statement – It is possible to appreciate adorable kids without having any of your own. If you love kids so much but are not sure you want to take on the huge responsibility of parenthood, you may want to consider working with kids at a professional level. You can see them smile, laugh and play with them without having to clean their diapers, take care of them for 18 years (which they won’t appreciate you for until their teens, maybe), and lose sleep over for the first 4 to 6 years. You’ll also be doing planet earth a favor. We have enough people here already.
As for the third statement, well, the desire to be a parent is biological. I truly believe that if anyone gave the matter any serious thought and found a way to switch their maternal and paternal instincts off, we’d all look at each other, completely bewildered and ask, “what on earth was I thinking?”
But, not everyone will agree with me. And that’s totally fine. It may surprise you to hear that I actually like kids. I don’t like some of their behaviors, but they can be very endearing and sweet. It’s just that I’ve seen the affects that parenthood has had on so many people, and I’m not sure that it is all it’s cracked up to be.
Fortunately, not everyone will listen to me. There are plenty of great parents out there who love their kids and love raising children. I am not one of them, however, and I am happy.
For some good information on childfree living check out:
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Interesting – I definitely believe that it’s not fantasy so many people in their early 20s have – that’s definitely true. But I bet if you asked the majority of parents out there after their kids entered adulthood, they’d do it all again. So, stressful? Definitely. Worthwhile? Most likely, in most cases. But I agree, it certainly ties you down for a long long long long time—you won’t have the a lot of the freedom you would have, otherwise.
Very true Ross. And most parents (I would hope!) love their children and are grateful for the opportunity to raise them. It’s just very hard work as well. I suppose that, like anything else in life, it’s a choice and it has it’s positives and negatives. Maybe I’ll write an entry focusing on the positives as well at some point.
Right now I can’t imagine ever wanting kids. But that might change. It might for you also. Remember, if people didn’t have children, you cou’ldnt have written this article
I would say see what you think about this in 10 years. You never know.